When one loses hope, part III

A re you happy? Our American culture tells us that an individual’s happiness is supreme to everything else. In order to be happy, one must be rich, healthy, popular, successful, pursue his, her and they feelings and escape pain and difficulties. Supreme happiness is all about getting “likes,” “shares” and have something go “viral” on social media.

But something is desperately wrong with that definition of happiness.

Consider, a paper from the San Francisco Federal Reserve (2012) “… shows that, all else being equal, suicide risks are higher in wealthier neighborhoods, a morbid demonstration of the folly of trying to “keep up with the Joneses”” (Time magazine online).

Being talented, wealthy, and famous is no guarantee that one will be happy. Brad Delp was the lead singer for the rock band Boston and unfortunately, his talent, wealth and popularity did not ease his inner turmoil.

Mr. Delp committed suicide by asphyxiation. The note pinned to his shirt read, “Mr. Brad Delp. J’ai une ame solitaire. I am a lonely soul.” Loneliness is a terribly cruel existence.

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, the age group with the highest rate of suicide are those at 85 years and older. This is not surprising as loneliness is significant for this age.

Dr. Greg Smith posted an article, Why Do People Kill Themselves, on KevinMD. com (7 March 2017) based upon his experiences as a psychiatrist. Dr. Smith posits four reasons why people want to kill themselves.

“We do not feel we belong – They can be made to feel apart from, cast out, cut off from the mainstream, since they don’t fit a standard group. It is socially and emotionally ostracizing.”

“We do not feel loved – whether it is feeling like the “other” or not loved by anyone at all, it is a huge cause of self-loathing, isolation and hopelessness that will drive someone towards not wanting to exist.”

“Everything seems too hard these days. Nothing is guaranteed. Sometimes, people who appear lazy are just depressed, unmotivated, not well-trained, not educated, and simply down on their luck. They see little hope for success no matter how hard they try, so they don’t try. It is sometimes easier to just give up, find someone or something to blame, and give up, rather than working to make things better.”

“We feel hopeless. Hope keeps us getting up in the morning. Hope keeps us going to school, working our way up the ladder, doing the jobs that no one else wants to do, taking on challenges of which we are afraid.

If we lose hope, we have lost our will to challenge ourselves. We have lost our dreams for the future.

We have lost our ability to see ourselves in the distant being happy, healthy, and prosperous.”

How should we respond to one who is depressed or when one loses hope? How can we help? What should we do? I believe we can become more aware of others around us, just like there are signs of heart ailments there are signs of someone at risk of suicide.

Some warning signs of a loved one at risk for suicide, especially if the behavior is new, has increased, or seems related to a painful event, loss, or change.

■ ■ Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves.

■ ■

Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching on-line for ideas.

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Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.

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Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.

■ ■ Talking about being a burden to others.

■ ■ Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.

■ ■ Acting anxious or easily agitated, behaving recklessly.

■ ■ Sleeping too little or too much.

■ ■ Withdrawing or isolating themselves.

■ ■ Showing rage or talking

about seeking revenge.

■ ■

Extreme mood swings.

Unfortunately, many who commit suicide never give any of these signs, they hide their feelings and intentions very well, especially from those who know them best.

However, knowing some of the signs of when one loses hope is important. Along with professional help here are a few points of action that will also help: Be willing to listen to someone who is struggling.

Do not try to solve their problems just listen. Jesus listened to people. Listening develops trust, respect and helps others feel valued.

Do not judge. Jesus tells us not to judge one another (Matthew 7:1-2; 1 Samuel 16:7). Listen without making judgments or condemning the person. Pray with them not just “for” them.

Always encourage the person to seek medical and professional counseling. It is not a lack of faith or a deficiency to seek medical and professional counseling service. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Encourage the one to call or you call when a friend or loved one is struggling.

We must understand that when one loses hope, the answers to their questions in life have been upset or in some way discovered to be wrong. People who consider and then attempt suicide do feel unloved, alone, overwhelmed, disappointed, and helpless.

The stresses of everyday, bad decisions, disappointments, acute or chronic illnesses and other issues can overwhelm any individual, and lead to a very real feeling of isolation, without hope. Christians deal with the same issues as non-Christians but we have someone to help us. The Bible states: “…greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world” (1 John 4:4).

Finally, Christians are to bring peace, grace, mercy, and encouragement to all, especially to those who are struggling in life and to those who have lost hope.

As Martin Luther wrote in 1518, “Grace is given to heal the spiritually sick, not to decorate spiritual heroes.”

Clayton Adams, West Memphis, AR email: claytonpadamslll@gmail.com.

Clayton Adams

Time in the Word