Pair of franchise sequels (surprise) offer nothing new for moviegoers

Latest offerings in ‘Equalizer,’ ‘Nun’ franchises fail to excite

By Robert Garver

rrg251@nyu.edu

Now that “Barbenheimer” has run its course, let’s take a look at what else is out there in another odd double bill from a couple of middling franchises.

“The Equalizer 3”

It has been five years since we last saw Robert “The Equalizer” McCall, as played by the ever-arresting Denzel Washington. In that time, we’ve had a pandemic, three seasons of the Queen Latifah TV series (not to be confused with the Edward Woodward TV series from the 80’s), and plenty of time to forget about this iteration of the franchise. I wish Washington and director Antoine Fuqua had forgotten about it too, because they both could have used the time they wasted on this movie doing something worthier of their talents.

The movie opens with the aftermath of a McCall killing spree on the staff of a Sicilian mansion. McCall had to get the attention of a crime boss (Bruno Bilotta) in a way that involved not getting killed, but getting captured so the boss could get personally involved. McCall’s plan in this sequence and in the one at the film’s climax have the same problem: they require the bad guys to show exactly the right amount of mercy. Even though McCall knows about their ruthlessness, he expects them to bide their time, toy with him a certain way, and not kill anyone unnecessarily, lest we hold him responsible for getting an innocent person killed because he had to get cute with his strategy.

The showdown at the mansion leaves McCall wounded.

He’s found unconscious by the side of the road by a helpful small-town cop (Eugenio Mastrandrea), who takes him to a local doctor (Remo Girone), who lets McCall recover at his house. McCall quickly takes to the town of Altamonte, where everyone is friendly to him, but fearful of the local Mafia, especially payment collector Marco (Andrea Dodero), brother of big boss Vincent (Andrea Scarduzio, and yes, I do think it’s funny that the actors playing brothers share a first name, but not a last). He tries to stay out of the locals’ delicate relationship with the violent or-

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ganization, but trouble seems to have a way of finding Robert McCall, and he soon finds himself having to topple the entire criminal empire.

McCall’s feud with the villains isn’t limited to the parameters of the little town. He picked up some information at the mansion that ties the specific crime family to an elaborate cyber-crime ring.

He relays crumbs of information to CIA agent Collins (Dakota Fanning). I expected Collins to help out McCall in some of the action scenes since he’s injured, but the character frustratingly never really gets in the game. I honestly started questioning if she was some sort of last-minute addition to the screenplay to pad the movie’s runtime, since she never interacts with any major characters besides McCall, and the movie’s action is pretty scant anyway.

“The Equalizer 3” has done very well for itself at the box office over Labor Day weekend, so I must admit that the project has paid off commercially for Washington and Fuqua. But did this movie really satisfy their creative appetites? My theory is that Washington wanted to prove something to himself, namely that he can still carry an action movie as he approaches age 70. The film’s box office definitely proves that he “can” (and I would have said he “can” even if the film wasn’t performing well), though he “should” have held out for a better vehicle.

“ The Equalizer 3” is rated R for strong bloody violence and some language. Its running time is 109 minutes.

“The Nun II” is the ninth film in the “Conjuring Universe,” a franchise tied to the adventures of paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren, but it is the third in the series chronologically. Demon-in-anun’s- habit Valak (Bonnie Aarons) has made appearances in installments both earlier and later in the franchise’s chronology. In other words, not only has this villain been defeated before, but I know for a fact that she’ll be defeated again. It’s hard to see the stakes as particularly high or Valak as particularly effective with that kind of record.

Just like it’s hard to take this horror movie particularly seriously when the studio decided to release it in early September instead of closer to Halloween.

Valak isn’t destined to take over the world (in the movie or out of it), so the greatest investment one can reasonably make is caring about the fates of the main characters. For fans that even remember 2018’s “The Nun” (the fifth film released in the “Conjuring Universe”), Taissa Farmiga is back as Valak-defeater Sister Irene, as is porter-turned-Valak-vessel Maurice (Jonas Bloquet).

New this time are Irene’s companion Sister Debra (Storm Reid, a very of-her-era actress that feels out of place in this 1956-set movie), as well as Kate (Anna Popplewell) and her daughter (Katelyn Downey), a teacher and student respectively, at the school where Maurice now works as a groundskeeper. I guess they’re all likeable enough, though no more that any number of similar characters in these movies. Valak, possessing Maurice, is on a mission to possess the eyes of St. Lucy, a Christian martyr. Surprisingly, even though eye-gouging is an important part of the lore that serves as a catalyst for this movie’s action, the movie never really engages in eyeball- or eyelessness-based horror. On one hand, I kind of respect the movie for not going for the obvious (or “cheap” or “exploitative”) gruesome visuals. But on the other hand, the movie may as well have gone for those as scares, because it isn’t effective with the ones it does give us.

Instead, the movie relies on jump scares, most of which involve Valak suddenly appearing, which are cheap and exploitative. I was scared out of my wits a few days ago by a small, well-intentioned child tapping me on the leg to let me know I’d dropped something. Anyone can pull off a jump scare, including people that aren’t even trying. The filmmakers are trying, of course, too hard and in an expensive fashion. And you know what? So is Valak.

Valak is deliberately using whatever demonic powers are at her disposal to jump-scare people. She’s not exactly gaining anything by just popping up, her tactics rarely lead to defeated enemies or the furthering of her missions.

It’s easy to see the filmmakers’ desperation to squeeze scares out of this weak material. They have to cheat and use dream sequences and cutaways because they know nothing scary is going to happen for a long stretch of time and they correctly sense that the audience is losing interest.

Even when they have a good excuse to use Valak, it can only be for a quick burst because her appearance is only initially unsettling. Close-ups and lengthy looks at Valak are not this movie’s friend. Actually, that’s a good metaphor for this whole wing of the “Conjuring Universe,” Valak works great on the periphery of “The Conjuring 2” and “Annabelle Creation,” but when the movie is either installment of “The Nun” and the pressure is on her to be the main source of scares, it becomes apparent that all she has is popping out.

Grade: D

“ The Nun II” is rated R for violent content and some terror. Its running time is 110 minutes.

“The Nun II”