31 years, 31 flavors

VIEWPOINT

By RALPH HARDIN

Evening Times Editor

Today my wife and I are celebrating our 31st wedding anniversary. We were married on Feb. 13, 1993 — just teenagers at the time. Now, we’re grandparents and our youngest kid is going to graduated from high school just three months from this coming Saturday. It’s crazy what all has happened in those 31 years, not just to us as a couple but to the world in general.

When we got married, Bill Clinton had been president for less than a month. 9/11 had not yet happened. The first dial-up internet public access network was six months away from launch and, of course, we had never heard of things like COVID-19, an iPhone, or social media. I worked at Blockbuster Video of all places. I wonder how my stock is doing?

As with any relationship, partnership, long-term agreement or whatever, over 31 years, there are bound to be ups and downs

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along the way. And just like the 31 Flavors that made Baskin-Robbins famout, there is infinite variety to the kinds of situations and experiences you and your significant other are bound to encounter. With that theme in mind, and since I’m a big “list guy,” here are 31 little tidbits I’ve picked up: 1) Do the dishes. I assure you, man or woman, it will be appreciated by the other person in your relationship.

2) Go to bed mad. Have an unresolved issue? Sleep on it.

Talk about it the next day if you need to, but don’t be up all night being angry and still sleepy the next day.

3) Make a dinner decision.

Don’t ask, “What do you want for dinner?” Either decide and make the necessary plans or preparations or make an offer like, “I’m in the mood for tacos. Is that OK with you?”

4) Get it done. Don’t put off that minor thing that needs doing. Just do it witthout being nagged about it.

5) Use concise language. If you want something specific, don’t beat around the bush.

Say what you mean.

6) Pick up after yourself. I’m not the maid. You’re not the maid. From shoes to dishes to the clothes in the bathroom floor. Pick it up and put it up.

7) Have “me” time. You both need something to do when the other is busy or otherwise unavailable.

8) Have “we” time. Whether you have kids, careers, etc.

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that require a lot of effort, make plans to devote to one another.

9) Being alone together is OK. You can read a book while he/she watches internet cat video. Just close proximity is fine sometimes.

10) Make the bed. Whoever gets up last, make the bed. For whatever reason, a freshly made bed is better to get into than a messy one.

11) Offer to drive. I hate driving but I also don’t want to make my wife drive all the time. Switch it up.

12) Play together. Find a sport, card game, etc. that you can both play and enjoy, with each other and/or friends.

13) On that note, make friends. Even if it’s just another couple you eat dinner or watch a movie with from time to time, it’s fun to pair up for a variety of conversation topics and opinions.

14) Go for walks. That’s all. Just walk around the neighborhood or park.

15) Have a budget. A big ticket purchase or unforseen expense can cause a lot of stress on a relationship. Having a little extra money put aside or knowing what your expenses are is a big help.

16) Don’t be too cheap. I love a bargain and I hate spending money but a little extravagance once in a while is perfectly OK… I tell myself.

17) Suprises are fun. Sure, you can get him or her something for a birthday, anniversary, Valentines’s or whatever, but a “just because” gift is even better.

18) Listen. That’s it. Just hear what the other person is saying. Don’t, unless specifically asked, try to “fix” whatever the issue is or offer unsolicited

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advice.

19) When you do offer advice, there’s a big difference between “What you should do…” and “What you could do…”

20) Be supportive. There are always a million reasons not to do something, but if your significant other has goals and dreams, encourage them to give it a shot.

21) Be Realistic. Not everyone is going to be rich or famous. It’s OK to just be happy with what you have.

22) Don’t keep up with the Joneses. There will always be people who have the newer, better, bigger whatever. It should not matter to you.

23) Stick it out but don’t get stuck. Don’t bail on a relationship just because you hit a rough patch. But don’t stay in a toxic relationship either.

24) Plan for the future. There is always some kind of goal to be working toward… buying a house, having kids, retirement or whatever. Work and plan for it together (and make sure it’s something you both want). 25) Celebrate good times. It can be a birthday, a promotion, a holiday or even paying off the house or car. Do something to mark the occasion.

26) Remember things.

Whether it’s just remembering to take the chicken out of the freezer or the anniversary of your first date, remembering things means you care.

27) Change things up. We recently rearranged the living room furniture. It freshened things up and made it a little cozier around the TV. You can do the same in the bedroom, kitchen or wherever for little to no money.

28) Unwind together. Go to bed at the same time. Even if one of you gets up later to watch TV or work or whatever. Going to bed together is a good way to end the day.

29) Or not… if you spend time together in bed, it might lead to other activities. Make time for that too!

30) Romance isn’t as hard as it might seem. Some people are just natually romantic.

Most are not. Just a little love note or a “no-expectations” kiss or gift can mean a lot to your special someone.

And finally…

31) There is no blueprint. All of these pointers might be great for you or not at all.

There is no “right” way to be a couple or to make a marriage last the test of time. I do stress one last thought: Be there for each other, communicate and do not be afraid to say you’re sorry or admit you were wrong. Here’s to the next 31 years!