Root Canal ‘24

VIEWPOINT

By RALPH HARDIN

Evening Times Editor

As a kid, I loved the TV show M*A*S*H. If you somehow don’t remember it, the show was set in the Korean War, but was somehow a comedy. It followed the expolits of a groups army surgeons and their fellow military hospital coworkers and all of the funny situations they got themselves into.

Anyway, the wise-cracking Capt. Hawkeye Pierce was my idol on the show and he was the first person I can remember using the sarcastic phrase, “As fun as a root canal.” I even used it myself, long before knowing what a root canal was. All I knew was that the canned audience “laughed” and that I knew, even at a young age, that it was sarcasm.

So, the years went by and I eventually learned what a root canal was. And although I’ve never had to have one, I get it.

It’s a long, often painful dental procedure that no one in their

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right mind would describe as “fun” or enjoy in any way.

Well, by the time you read this, my lovely wife will either have had or will soon be getting a root canal of her very own. She was originally supposed to get it last month but she got COVID-19 (again) and she could have gotten it last Tuesday, but it was our anniversary, and that’s no way to celelbrate 31 years of marriage.

So, today it is. When you need something like a root canal, you can put it off but it is going to happen eventually whether you like it or not.

Well, America, I hope you are all strapped in and ready for us all to get our collective electorial root canal.

And unlike my wife’s dental procedure, which might be painful but will hopefully solve her dental issue, this upcoming election will be a long painful procedure that doesn’t really look like it’s going to solve much of anything.

And no, we can’t just cancel it or reschedule. We’re marching straight up to the primary season, which will be followed by the party conventions this summer, and then… dear Lord… there are going to be debates. Can you imagine what those are going to be like? And then (sight) we will have to actually vote Nov. 5.

So, yes, America. It’s time for Root Canal 2024! It will be long and painful, and I will spend most of the time just tying not to gag…