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I’m a fan




Evening Times Editor

At our old house, there were eight rooms (not counting bathrooms) and a total of seven ceiling fans. I never did manage to get one installed in the kitchen…

So, in our current house, there are only three, which I guess is fine… since I’m not allowed to run any of them.

Yes, after three decades of marriage, my wife has suddenly betrayed me and declared that she doesn’t like ceiling fans. Why?

Well, for one, she’s simply always cold. I swear, we could be in side a volcano and she’d be like, “Could you get me a blanket?” Also, she claims that the air from a ceiling fan “irritates her throat,” and since she does a lot of talking at work and singing at church, we can’t have that.

Now, how this has suddenly become an issue after all this time is a real mystery, but I guess “Happy wife, happy life” is the


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way to go, although “slightly irritated wife, happy life” might be the way to go.

I do, at least, get to run the fans until she gets home from work. Sometimes, though, she doesn’t realize the fan in the living room is on and she’ll go, “Why am I so cold?” Only to look up and see the fan is on. Then I get a nasty look… then I sheepishly walk over and turn off the fan.

One place where I’ve drawn the line, though, is my box fan. I simply must have the noise or I can’t sleep more than 15 minutes before some random noise wakes me up.

I’m an extremely light sleeper. The absolute worst is when the power goes out. I have actually found a YouTube video that’s nothing but 10 hours of “box fan noise” that I will play for as long as my phone will last without being charged.

Yes, I would prefer to enjoy not only the noise of the fan but also the cool breeze of the circulating air on my body as I sleep, but since my wife and I share a bed (for now) the same principals of air=cold and blowing air=irritated throat, we actually have to point the fan away from the bed… sigh.

What I really need is one of those fancy personal fans that I see folks use at ballgames ans such. I could just carry it with me wherever I go and set it next to my side of the bed at night…. Now I know what I want for Father’s Day…

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