Posted on

Baby, it’s cold outside!

Baby, it’s cold outside!

Share

By Ralph Hardin

ralphhardin@gmail.com

I heard a comedian once, when talking about living up north (in Minnesota, In think), say, “I went outside to check the temperature and there wasn’t one.”

It’s been cold the past few days. Now, it hasn’t been “we’re all going to freeze” cold, but being married to the coldest woman on the planet, when it’s below 50, I get the “turn up the heat” request, even when the air is so hot and dry inside I think the inside of my nose is going to crack and fall off.

And it’s not even the “fun” kind of cold, where we might get some snow. Nope, not even a flake. We’re doing that awesome thing where it gets really cold, then it warms up and rains, then it gets really cold again…

lather, rinse, repeat until April.

I’m a hot-weather guy. I’ll take 93 over 39 every time. I’d much rather strip down to shorts and a tank-top than have to put on a coat. I don’t even want to go outside when it’s like this. And the wind!

That’s what gets me. It can be 30 degrees outside, but when the 15- 20 mile-per-hour gusts or even the non-stop 5-10 breeze hits me, that’s when I get cold.

And when I get cold, I can’t get warm.

By wife won’t even let me warm my cold hands on her. Why even be married then, right?

So, we’re still a couple of months away from spring. Until then, it’s hot cocoa, chili, and blankets for me.

Ralph Hardin is the editor of the Evening Times. He lives in Marion with his very, very cold-natured wife, along with the kids, cats, and one terrible dog.

LAST NEWS
Scroll Up